Embracing the Holidays: Acknowledging the Power (and Productivity) of Anger
The holiday season is here, and while our feeds might be full of picture-perfect moments, I know for many of us, this time brings a whirlwind of complex emotions—especially around family, connection, and estrangement.
I recently spent some time reflecting on this for my podcast, "How Did You Get Here?", and I wanted to share my key takeaways here, because our emotional health is a critical component of our overall success.
The Uncomfortable Truth About Holiday Emotions
We often associate the holidays with joy, but for those of us navigating difficult family dynamics or estrangement, the season can surface profound feelings of sadness, grief, or disconnection.
However, I’ve realized something crucial: Anger is not just valid; it can be incredibly productive.
I’ve learned to view anger as a signal—a clear indicator that a boundary has been crossed, or a deep need is unmet. Instead of dismissing it, I've started asking: What is this anger trying to tell me about my relationships and the choices I've made to protect my well-being?
“I’ve learned to view anger as a signal—a clear indicator that a boundary has been crossed, or a deep need is unmet. Instead of dismissing it, I've started asking: What is this anger trying to tell me about my relationships and the choices I've made to protect my well-being?”
Differentiating Anger from Rage
It's vital to draw a line between anger and rage.
Anger can be a focused, motivating force for change.
Rage often stems from a deeper sense of internalized helplessness.
For anyone who has made the incredibly tough choice of estrangement to safeguard their mental health, that feeling of helplessness can become especially acute during the holidays. When I acknowledge these feelings, I can finally start to process the true cost of those protective decisions—and the emotional toll they take.
My Own Journey: The Bittersweet Balance
I know this duality firsthand. I am profoundly grateful for the immediate family and the strong community I’ve built around me. Yet, I also hold space for the sadness and anger that accompany estrangement. It's a bittersweet mix.
If you’re experiencing this dual reality—feeling gratitude in one area of your life while mourning a connection in another—please know you are not alone. This duality is a normal part of building a life that truly serves you.
Turning Anger into Action and Clarity
Suppressing complex emotions like anger only leads to burnout and stagnation. I’ve found that the real breakthrough comes from channeling that energy into something tangible.
Instead of letting it fester, I advocate for productive outlets:
Creative Expression: Writing, painting, or music.
Physical Activity: A hard workout, a long run, or even intense gardening.
"Rage Cleaning": I’ve personally found immense relief in simple organizing tasks, like sorting beads or decluttering a messy drawer. It gives me a quick win and a sense of control and accomplishment when the external world feels chaotic.
“Suppressing complex emotions like anger only leads to burnout and stagnation. I’ve found that the real breakthrough comes from channeling that energy into something tangible.”
My Key Takeaway for You
As you navigate the next few weeks, remember this:
Give yourself permission to feel it all. Your emotions—anger, disappointment, sadness, and gratitude—are all valid responses. Creating a fulfilling holiday experience may look unconventional, and that’s perfectly okay.
By embracing and productively channeling our difficult emotions, we can achieve greater clarity, maintain stronger boundaries, and ultimately create a more meaningful experience during this complex season.
Did this resonate with you?
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