5 Common Signs of C-PTSD in Mothers: Beyond "Mom Guilt"
Parenting is inherently exhausting. It is full of noise, demands, and sleepless nights. But for some mothers, the exhaustion feels heavier. It feels historic.
If you find that the chaos of raising children triggers a reaction that feels disproportionate to the moment, you might not just be dealing with "mom burnout." You might be navigating the ripple effects of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD).
Recent systematic reviews highlight that CPTSD is distinct from standard PTSD. According to Harris et al. (2024), CPTSD involves not just re-experiencing trauma, but also "Disturbances in Self-Organization" (DSO), which fundamentally affects how you regulate emotions and view yourself. This means you are not just battling memories. You might be struggling with a nervous system that cannot calm down or a deep internal voice that insists you are "broken" or "bad". It often creates a persistent fear that relationships are unsafe even when you desperately want connection.
Here are five research-backed signs of C-PTSD in mothers and how they show up in everyday parenting.
1. You Experience Emotional Flashbacks
Standard PTSD flashbacks are often visual; you see the event happening again. In CPTSD, flashbacks are often emotional rather than visual. Researchers call this "psychoform dissociation". This is just a technical way of saying that intense feelings from the past suddenly take over your mind in the present (Harris et al., 2024).
What this looks like in motherhood:
A toddler’s scream or a messy room triggers a sudden, overwhelming sense of terror or helplessness.
You feel "small" or unsafe, similar to how you felt as a child, rather than feeling like a capable adult.
When your partner sighs loudly, you instantly freeze and feel like you are "in trouble," even though you know logically you haven't done anything wrong.
This is not just "stress"; it is the re-experiencing of past fear in the present moment.
“This is not just "stress"; it is the re-experiencing of past fear in the present moment.”
2. You Struggle to Enforce Boundaries (Permissive Parenting)
We often assume trauma makes parents "strict" or "angry." However, a 2022 study by Franz et al. found a significant link between maternal PTSD and lax or permissive parenting.
The researchers found that mothers with PTSD symptoms often experience intense negative emotions during discipline encounters. To manage this distress, they may "give in" to the child to stop the conflict and escape the negative feeling (Franz et al., 2022).
What this looks like in motherhood:
You hand over the iPad immediately when they start whining, even though you said "no screens," just to stop the noise.
When your child screams "I hate you," you feel a physical wave of panic and retreat to your bedroom instead of holding the boundary.
You let them sleep in your bed every single night because the thought of facing a bedtime battle feels physically impossible to handle.
You might judge yourself as "weak," but the research suggests you are actually managing high levels of internal emotional pain. You are "giving in" not because you don't care, but because your nervous system is trying to survive the conflict.
“You might judge yourself as "weak," but the research suggests you are actually managing high levels of internal emotional pain. You are "giving in" not because you don't care, but because your nervous system is trying to survive the conflict.”
3. Chronic Hypervigilance and "Threat Sensitivity"
A core domain of C-PTSD is "hypersensitivity to potential threat" (Harris et al., 2024). While all mothers are attuned to their children, mothers with C-PTSD often have a stress response system that is stuck in a vigilant phase.
What this looks like in motherhood:
You cannot sit down or rest while the children are awake.
You constantly scan the environment for danger. A loud noise or a change in routine feels like a physical threat.
You feel an intense physical jolt, like an electric shock, when a door slams or a toy drops, and it takes a long time to calm back down.
Franz et al. (2022) note that this vigilance is often linked to an "attentional bias toward threat," where the brain has been trained to prioritize detecting danger over relaxation
4. Dissociation or "Checking Out"
Dissociation is basically your brain’s way of hitting the "eject" button. It disconnects you from your body or your feelings when the present moment feels too unsafe (Harris et al., 2024). Research shows this is one of the main links connecting what happened to you as a child to the C-PTSD symptoms you feel now.
What this looks like in motherhood:
During high-stress moments like the dinner rush, you feel robotic, numb, or like you are watching yourself from the ceiling.
When your child is having a meltdown, you don't feel angry or sad; you just feel nothing, like a switch has been flipped to "off."
You look at your family playing and feel like you are watching a movie of someone else's life rather than participating in your own.
This "unemotional" response can be a survival strategy described in the Adaptive Calibration Model (Franz et al., 2022), where you shut down to cope with an environment that feels uncontrollable. You might shame yourself for not being "present," but your nervous system is actually trying to protect you from overwhelm. And the constant reminder to “enjoy every moment” is not exactly helpful when you are literally working against years of complex trauma.
“You might shame yourself for not being "present," but your nervous system is actually trying to protect you from overwhelm. And the constant reminder to “enjoy every moment” is not exactly helpful when you are literally working against years of complex trauma.”
5. Toxic Shame and Negative Self-Perception
One of the defining features of the "Disturbances in Self-Organization" (DSO) domain of C-PTSD is a persistent negative self-perception (Harris et al., 2024). This goes beyond normal "mom guilt."
Beating yourself up acts like fuel for your trauma. When you can't be kind to yourself, it keeps your brain stuck in survival mode. This makes it nearly impossible to feel like the capable parent you actually are.
What this looks like in motherhood:
When you lose your temper, you don't just think "I messed up." You think "I am damaging my child forever because I am a monster."
You avoid repairing a rupture (like apologizing after a fight) because you feel too "dirty" or shameful to get close to them.
You see other moms at the park and feel a heavy, sinking certainty that they possess a goodness that you are fundamentally missing.
When you make a mistake, you don’t just feel you did something bad; you feel you are bad. You experience intense guilt and shame that makes it hard to repair with your child because you are stuck in a spiral of self-blame. The research suggests that when you feel broken inside, it is hard to feel safe with anyone. Even your own kids. It creates a wall of anxiety between you and the people you love most.
5 Affirmations for the Trenches
If you recognized yourself in the list above, you might be feeling heavy right now. It is hard to read about your own pain in black and white. But understanding the mechanics of your trauma means you can stop calling it a character flaw.
Here are five reframes to hold onto when the days feel impossible:
On Permissive Parenting: "Giving in wasn't weakness. It was my nervous system choosing safety in a moment of overwhelm. I can try again next time."
On Dissociation: "Going numb did not make me a bad mother. It was a shield that kept me functioning when I wanted to run. I am learning to lower it slowly."
On Hypervigilance: "I am not 'crazy' for being unable to rest. My body is on guard duty because it learned the world wasn't safe. I can thank it for trying to protect me."
On Emotional Flashbacks: "This rage and terror belongs to the past. I am in my kitchen. I am an adult. I am safe right now."
On Self-Worth: "I am not broken. I am a survivor learning to live in peacetime. I deserve the same compassion I give to my children."
“If you recognized yourself in the list above, you might be feeling heavy right now. It is hard to read about your own pain in black and white. But understanding the mechanics of your trauma means you can stop calling it a character flaw.”
Healing is Possible
Recognizing these symptoms can be heavy, but it also offers a new kind of permission. You can stop looking at these moments as evidence of your failure and start seeing them as parts of you that are asking for care.
At Overture Therapy, we understand that behaviors like checking out or giving in are actually survival responses. We use trauma-informed modalities to help you process the past without having to relive it, so you can parent from a place of connection rather than protection.
References:
Franz, M. R., Kumar, S. A., Brock, R. L., Calvi, J. L., & DiLillo, D. (2022). Parenting behaviors of mothers with posttraumatic stress: The roles of cortisol reactivity and negative emotion. Journal of family psychology : JFP : journal of the Division of Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association (Division 43), 36(1), 130–139. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000865
Harris J, Loth E and Sethna V (2024) Tracing the paths: a systematic review of mediators of complex trauma and complex post-traumatic stress disorder. Front. Psychiatry 15:1331256. doi: 10.3389/fpsyt.2024.1331256
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