Still Waiting for the Makeover? The Millennial Myth of the 'After' Picture
It's a confession I hear almost daily, whispered in my office and echoed in my own internal monologue: "I'm still waiting for my life to begin." For those of us who came of age in the 90s and 2000s, this feeling isn't some random anxiety. It’s a direct consequence of the media we were fed—a steady diet of radical transformations and dazzling "after" pictures.
Remember MTV's Made, where a shy teen was turned into a prom queen? Or The Biggest Loser, where dropping 100 pounds meant not just a new body, but a new life, a new identity? Don't even get me started on America's Next Top Model where the approval of a harsh judge about whether you won or lost the genetic lottery was akin to winning the Pulitzer. The story was always the same: your current self, messy and imperfect, is just a "before" shot. The "after" is where the real living happens. It’s where the guy who ignored you suddenly notices you, where a job promotion falls into your lap, and where your entire life is finally validated. They might as well have called those shows, “Take notes on how to not suck, loser.” This wasn't just entertainment; it was a cultural script. And a lot of us are still reading from it.
The story was always the same: your current self, messy and imperfect, is just a "before" shot. The "after" is where the real living happens.
As a psychotherapist, who is also a millennial, I’ve seen this makeover myth manifest in two particularly damaging ways.
First, the fantasy of being “discovered.” The narrative we consumed was all about a singular, dramatic moment of external validation. You don't build your way up; you get chosen. This fosters a sense of separation—there's a special "them" who have "made it" and then there’s the rest of us, waiting. We wait and wait, missing out on our own lives because we’re secretly hoping someone will wave a magic wand. This isn't just a hunch; academic research has long supported this idea. Studies have shown that heavy consumption of reality TV and makeover shows is strongly linked to lower self-esteem, higher body dissatisfaction, and a desire for perfectionism (Kubic & Chory, 2012). It teaches us that our worth is not inherent, but rather something to be earned through a dramatic, external validation that may never come.
“We wait and wait, missing out on our own lives because we’re secretly hoping someone will wave a magic wand. ”
Second, the relentless focus on the "peak" without any regard for the mundane "in-between." We were shown the triumphant reveal, the finale where the newly transformed person receives a standing ovation. We never saw the messy, boring, and emotionally draining work of maintaining that change. This creates a deeply unrealistic expectation that life should be a constant highlight reel. The mundane—the quiet coffee in the morning, the small conversation with a friend, the unglamorous work that pays the bills—is seen as "less than." We've been conditioned to believe our lives are lacking unless they are on constant display for others to see and validate. This is a phenomenon psychologists call the “highlight reel effect,” and it's been exacerbated by social media. One study found that individuals who frequently engage in social comparison on social media are more likely to experience negative emotions and dissatisfaction with their own lives (Vogel et al., 2014). The power to feel "okay" is outsourced to a public audience, leading to an endless cycle of seeking external approval.
For a lot of my clients, and for me personally, nothing forces you to confront this "after" picture myth like becoming a parent. There's the "before" you, and then there's the societal expectation of the "after"—this perfectly calm, fulfilled, all-knowing parent. But what nobody tells you is that parenthood is the ultimate "in-between." It's a non-stop, un-photogenic, beautifully messy process. It brings out the best and the worst in us. The highlight reel culture is particularly cruel here. We see the perfectly curated baby showers and first-day-of-school photos, but not the sleepless nights, the endless laundry, the absent village, or the moments of quiet (or loud sobbing in the car) desperation. The real work of parenting, and the true source of joy, is in learning to love and find worth in the mundane, in the grace of showing up for the tenth time in the middle of the night, and in the small victories that no one else sees. The goal isn't to look like the "after" picture; it's to be present in the messy "now."
The goal isn't to look like the "after" picture; it's to be present in the messy "now."
It's a heavy legacy, but it’s also one we can choose to unlearn. The most profound and authentic transformations aren't dramatic makeovers; they are the slow, steady, unphotogenic moments of showing up for yourself. The "after" picture isn't a destination you arrive at, but the brave, vulnerable act of embracing the whole story—including the parts no one claps for.
So, What's the Antidote?
It’s easy to feel stuck once we realize the scripts we've been handed aren't working. The good news? You can start rewriting your story right now. It begins with a simple, quiet rebellion against the "before and after" mindset. Here are a few things to consider:
1. Reclaim the "In-Between." The magic isn't in a singular moment of transformation; it's in the consistency. Pay attention to the quiet moments that make up the vast majority of your life. The feeling of the sun on your face, the laugh shared with a friend, the simple satisfaction of completing a task—these are not insignificant. They are the bedrock of a meaningful life. The real "glow up" isn't about looking different, it's about learning to see the richness that was already there.
2. Stop Waiting to Be Chosen, Start Choosing Yourself. You have the power to create the life you're waiting for. Instead of waiting for a big break, take a small, brave step in a direction that feels authentic to you. Apply for that job. Take that class. Start that creative project. You don't need a public declaration or a cheering crowd. You need to give yourself permission to start, right where you are.
3. Move from External Validation to Internal Worth. The makeover myth teaches us to build our house on someone else's land. Every time we seek approval, we give a piece of our power away. Start practicing internal validation. What do you think of your work? What do you value about your progress? This takes practice, but it's the only way to build a sense of self-worth that can't be taken away by a bad day or an unkind word.
The work of unlearning this conditioning isn’t easy. It requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to sit with the messy, boring parts of life. But it’s also the most liberating work you can do. The "after" picture isn't a destination. It's the moment you finally realize you've been the hero of your own story all along.
References
Kubic, K. N., & Chory, R. M. (2012). Exposure to Television Makeover Programs and Perceptions of Self. Mass Communication and Society, 15(2), 284–304.
Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 209-222.
Fardouly, J., Diedrichs, P. C., Vartanian, L. R., & Halliwell, E. (2015). Social media and body image concerns: What content matters most? Body Image, 13, 10-18.
Tiggemann, M., & Slater, A. (2001). Television, magazines, and adolescent women's health. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 31(1), 164-180.
Harrison, K., & Cantor, J. (1997). The relationship between media consumption and eating disorders. Journal of Broadcasting & Electronic Media, 41(4), 481-496.